Flash grave

"I had to bear the pain silently expedition set foot on the road, at the end there is a flash in the grave, I will be buried together with the pain of them."

- Yuan Zhiming "nightmare"

  Red Sea flowing tears to cry shredded thrown Paoxiao the wind, the wind drum bloody desperate to sail to distant ┅ ┅

  It was a sorrowful funeral, not for the dead on the square   they already have a cemetery; is a living person, as is death "Survivor," they need to find a free cemetery, the burial was dead soul, dead ideas, dead passion, dead brilliant, and, dead life ┅ ┅

  not dead in the shell they escorted his coffin from the sea and journeyman, in the darkness of midnight, in the bitter cold wind, in the torrential rain of their burning hatred, despair, burning, burning tears of blood, the burning of the motherland That love is immortal chamber, held for their students a sorrowful funeral ┅ ┅ of

  send the boat when the waves pushed ashore last time, when the foot is far Zhiming beaches in Hong Kong has finally hit the soft patch of earth, when he finally roared to the sky, when free, but burst into tears:

  - "Oh China, what point I am sorry you?!"

  Victor forget that night of sorrow far, even after 6 years, in the bright California sun, he recalled the scene that night to escape the mainland, still with a tone of melancholy that night:

  "fled the country when, hide, are at risk at any time, no tears, time seems to beat their parents in the house, how the pain is at home. Escaped after being shot like a stick of the house, door also "thumping" to look to the lock, and never get back. I was the strongest feeling is that, although by the sky, the earth has lost. "

  "Oh China, which point I am sorry you?!"

  - China's silent, silent sea, the heavens silent but Tisi torrential ┅ ┅

  long song when the cry is given should be in pain after it?

  Oh, no, China, your not entirely unscathed, your children, how can you not weep? China Oh, how lucky you are, actually raising the children of this other fool! China Oh, and you are what, unfortunately, goes as far as they are playing at home!

  China Oh, do not turn away, at least, let conscience quiet for a second it, listen to the talk far Zhiming:

  "fled the mainland, nine death is life, seems like a nightmare, is Needless to say. Even to Paris, and seems to remain. Abjection of the grief has not subsided, and adding a run-down of the recollections.

  When I turned the people all kinds of donated clothes, take a worn; when I lit one by one the number of people sent to the franc, take two stuffed into his pocket; when I hand the first time special approval of the passport people, to Germany, to the United States, to Japan ┅ ┅ Every time, my country Oh, how I think of you, and how much hate you; how strong I am bitter, may be how to tell you!

  how many times out of customs, holding that the refugee passport, my head will be low down, could not bear to watch the human eye. That the eyes, perhaps sympathetic, perhaps doubt, maybe like a, like Tokyo and Guam, because that person will never see this stuff and I set aside. Either the same call me shame, heart General: I am a upright Chinese man!

  Paris, who gave an elegant culture, memory glitz and go away in the old ┅ ┅ But this is Paris, and I ware!

  early wanted to see the colorful and magnificent world, and now met, amazing that none of my business!

  Yes, I sojourn in Paris, dependent world, but this will be with me about it?

  I am proud of it? No! I am a Chinese! I am sentimentally attached to the yellow piece of land, the spring wind, the dirt that fall, summer and winter was brutal, and Han Xiao a group of creatures throughout the year.

  world to me? I am even more jealous of this world!

  China I bad? I miss my Chinese!

  - All things are good, hate is this time; heart has been difficult by the hate of this situation!

  a walk through the streets of Paris, looking at the school owned by a group of children, all dressed fashionable, sounded brilliance, I actually subconsciously exclaimed: is dying!

  a long time, I was rather surprised by his own evil!

  can be poured out these words, not mine, but it suppressed the profound grief:

  We are born unequal, in the face of death, everyone is equal!

  'is dying', God could be so fair! "

- Yuan Zhiming "nightmare"


  France, the home of Venus, Geshao melodious place, Paris refugee camps.


Yuan Zhiming is the motherland   scored a boundary of a slap in the face - confusion of nationality, language disorder, confusion of right and wrong, confusion of life and death. Bundle in a civilized society that magic box of locks all Suobu Zhu devil here - that hidden in the hearts of civilized and savage crimes in fact are the same, just gently pierce a seam, locust-like disaster would impinge upon ┅ ┅

  blue sky as if from a sudden fall into the abyss, death, temptation, rumors, lonely, weak and play the bad cop, good cop and bad cop lunged at him, slicing him day and night, day and night, eating only his ┅ ┅ he never need a pen, but, he needs the gun in here!

  fate, and finally forced him on the "Siwangzhilv."


1989 暮秋.

  cage according to the streets of Paris has a thin cold winter.

  is a bleak and rainy night, far from home in Paris, Victor fell ill.

  empty house only to keep them dripping rain. He lay on thick the night, hear the wind shake casement sad experience, a surge of cold inside the heart of the desolate bone gush from the heart, burned hot flood flooded his body, he felt he was lying naked the snow - the world turned into a cold grave!

  he cried.

  "You know what I wanted you that night?"

┅┅？

  "I wanted a bowl of soup, my grandmother cooked noodles soup that is the white water to boil, and with a few one-sided pieces Shredded ┅ ┅ thrown into the night, I did not eat, really want to Grandma She has been dead for years, but I really want to drink a bowl of the warm noodles soup ┅ ┅ "

  I cry, I thought of the little match girl, she sat alone snowy night, cold, hungry, and the hands of only a box of matches, before she lit a   Oh how lucky she was, At least, she caught hold of the light to get a profit, and profit which brought the light of her warm grip - Grandma is in heaven waiting for her ┅ ┅

  that cold rainy night, far Zhiming the last match had been soaked ┅ ┅


  Paris, please do not mind if I extract the following paragraphs of the text, all this suffering have nothing to do with you, I extract from them only in memory of the tears of an exile. Let people make irresponsible remarks go! China to spit to disdain it! At least, God will not despise a sad exile of the soul.

  Yuan Zhiming -

  day, we went to Montmarte Heights, on the lawn in front of the church, to see those gray dove
Son, then the free, peer-to Mimi old wooden tears to flow ┅ ┅)

  "sunshine, the white of the Sacred Heart church, Yin side of the green lawn, I look forward to a French girl and her shoulders pigeons, so beautiful, so sweet, is so quiet ┅ ┅

  Suddenly, my ears back to the mournful sounds of gunfire calendar, the immediate passing a dead body, a pool of plasma beach, one by one tear face ┅ ┅

  I'm dizzy, heart, screams: my motherland! "

  Su Xiaokang -

  "I dreamily remember: we were at Notre Dame had knelt down together, you play trembling shoulders, a long time in that crawl under the dome, you can not get up ┅ ┅"

  Yuan Zhiming -

  "read your first sentence, I cried. Since that nightmare in the noon, you and I seem to fall from the sky usually appears in front of each other, we drift along in life and death, between heaven and earth.

  together in broad daylight, we fear, also with wailing in the dead of night, with Notre Dame in Paris, where kneeling, and kneeling with the white into the tall, located on high ground of the Sacred Heart Church. That time, I did not notice you are not crying, only knew that he cried incessantly. You to comfort me, and then each bought a cross necklace hanging, hanging on the cross that Jesus Christ is suffering, his wife sent to the Beijing ┅ ┅ "

  - when I read the above paragraphs of text, my heart pours out of the deep bitterness - China Oh, how many bitter tears before pouring your anger get off? How much the tears want to move out before your sufferings set? !

  "in the church, why are you so sad?" I asked far Zhiming.

  "I want my daughter," he lowered his head,

  "in the Sacred Heart church, I saw the Virgin in his arms a baby curly hair, black fat, especially as my daughter. I fled, she was 1 year old, I could not even her Photos are afraid to take, just take a piece of her used bath soap, leaving only a thin piece, I spent the day on the desk, like her, to smell the tiny soap ┅ ┅ saw the curly hair of the baby, I could not kneel down, a bow, tears rushing to flow, how can not stop, like prayer, not even to say a word ┅ ┅ "


  1989 年 12 month Hong Kong "breakthrough," Mr. Li Yi Miscellaneous  published the article "  exile in Paris until his intention to visit Su Xiaokang, far Zhiming", which some like this:

  "work is often frustrated prescription treatment. On the far Zhiming, the FDD into the work is undoubtedly his sense of loss in the political make up the most positive way. However, in view of the reality of the environment, the people array will be the commencement of any work is difficult. "

  Lee made lighter! In fact the people the biggest difficulty faced by array from within, from the people. After a few months, far Zhiming, finds that a mentality wrote:

  "the overseas democracy movement a year ago, I along with the Su Xiaokang and others, from the drafting of the Universal Declaration of Fretilin established to host the" democratic China "miscellaneous , an exile from that intellectuals do in the country of crisis, able to do, but the heart is thus gradually cool down. As Lu Xun year, too much to see in a pool of blood in the counsel of his selfishness, suspicion enthusiastic, vile slander and mutual strife. the face of these people, these things, I have to think more than once stand up and shouted: What are you doing?

┅┅

  As it is generally believed that China would do everything possible to undermine the security of overseas pro-democracy movement, I also believe that the bones of the problems of Chinese exiles, the damage will play a greater role. "

- Yuan Zhiming, "We bones of the problems"

  was driving the chariot tied to the same comrades, who pulled off a tow rope with a partner who had the same dream to find friends, have the same Holding the tears flow through the trouble brothers, in the face of selfish, he did not restraint and beyond "ugly Chinese"   mortal beings than they want to wake up, because they want to transform the fruit seller, more needs to be awakened, to be modified, it is the Chinese elite themselves!


  fate finally brought to life far Zhiming Calvary - he had nothing, leaving only a naked heart, wandering in the rain ┅ ┅

  He fell into the sun - the sun has already Xi Chen; he fell into the moon - the moon had faded; he fell into the storm - only muddy feet. He blows a, sobbed, trembling, holding a naked heart, through the pure cold wind, through the slanting rain, walk through despair, walk through alone, but lost in the life lane in the rain - no help, he saw a rundlet, floating in the rain, reminding us of scenes a warm lilac, and he fell into the umbrella, but missed his heart broken to pieces, the ┅ ┅


  1989 年 10 28, Yuan Zhiming wrote in his diary:

  "Last night, fear and anger me Juequ today, reason and justice, kidnapped me again.

  close the eyes close the eyes among the gods, by Wu Jue call me: Come back, return to your own.

  I was at a loss.

  gods then said: You see the people's cruelty and selfishness, greed and debauchery, you should go to cry out loud for me!

┅┅”


  He souls wandering the streets of Paris in general   no sun, no moon, no wind, no rain, the world was dead, empty space, an illusion, a chaos!

  he entered an art dealer - he did not know what to buy, he does not need to buy anything, he does not want to buy anything. He stopped - Suddenly, reminding us of scenes lightning smoked his body, earth shattering in general, the perception of dead bang pop out from the grave, convulsions, crawl rather, opened his haggard eyes - he saw a picture:

  dark of the night hanging with a flashing cross, hanging above the suffering of Jesus Christ - with open arms, as if to embrace the earth, two nails through the palm been crucified, therefore, to carry a heavy dark bow to the world - the flash of the cross block to the darkness, as if a brilliant Arc de Triomphe stands in the heavens and the earth, so dark the night was jumped back, the earth, emerged a blue ┅ ┅

  surprised him erect, in a mist across Emmanuel, who suddenly finds himself felt. Good Friday he plans to buy four, one sent home, sent a wife, there are two left to its own ┅ ┅


  1990 年 4 28, Victor's father sudden death far, he died of lung cancer, aged 58.

  month later, that bad news is far Zhiming.

  dying father, said his death has nothing to do with the far Zhiming.

  far Zhiming told my sister:

  "you escape, the father holding the radio and two packs of cigarettes a day, bored in the house, smoking, listening to shortwave, but said nothing. You are dead or alive, the father can only find from the short waves that your audio ┅ ┅ days, police officers also searched every few days to the house ┅ ┅ "

  Victor cried the night away, lingering guilt tore him, he knew, his father's death with him, before fleeing when he saw his father one last time, my father did not disease.

  his father placed a sacrifice, not his father's picture, just a Good Friday in Paris, plans to buy, he knelt before the Good Friday plans, point the candle, crying cut, including:

  "tears do not wash the home country resentment, a moving and sad predicament a few worthy! Even though past and present no filial, when there are long days outside song!"

  - as much a ritual of blood and tears these ZM song "sacrifice the parent> poem written on paper, his heart is in fact desperate thin Qiongyin have not heard, but, somewhere, has to the gods He predicted the issue: "When there is a long song day outside!"


To cemetery

  cemetery is still a silence, only the dead will not disturb his heart sinking, hopeless. He quietly walked Beilin, have no desire to read all the sentences have been hot were cold and stiff under the bodhi tree has long been a poet.

  He went to a non-word Beiqian slumped, staring for a long time, and finally write the final inscription:

  "in this civilization, desert, front, only death, death, is hope."

- Yuan Zhiming Paris 1990 "a small yellow flower"